'Rape culture is everywhere'

But I'll bet you already knew that, didn't you?  That's what college student Anna Eskamani declared here. 

Anna's evidence?

Why, rape culture -- and the following are her examples -- oozes from our favorite films "like Observe and Report," and our favorite video games "like Grand Theft Auto," not to mention our "everyday conversations with the all-too-common phrase of 'I totally raped that quiz.'"

"With examples like these," Anna explains, "I find it incredibly frustrating that there are those who still refuse to acknowledge the existence of rape culture."

From the mountains, to the prairies, to the oceans, white with foam . . . foam, no doubt, manufactured by some vile sailor's ejaculation . . . rape culture is everywhere!

Where to start? Let's see: "Observe and Report" came out 2 1/2 years ago and grossed $23,930,794, a little more than it's relatively meager budget. I did see it but literally can't remember a thing about it, much less it's contribution to "rape culture."

"Grand Theft Auto" I'll leave to the vile rapists who masquerade as gamers. We all know that young men who play video games are simply playing out their rape fantasies. Me, I'm a baseball fan myself, but I readily acknowledge that the bat-and-ball imagery is decidedly patriarchal and misogynistic.

And I can't tell you how many times a day I utter that all-too-common phrase "I totally raped that quiz."  It just comes cascading off my tongue at all hours. Recently when I fixed a broken lamp, I instinctively uttered, "I totally raped that lamp!"  Or when I have a successful outing in court, it's "I totally raped that judge!"  Very common expression.

What exactly is "rape culture"? Anna, being a college woman, obviously is an expert. She writes that it "is defined as 'a complex of beliefs that encourages male sexual aggression and supports violence against women.' Rape culture is rooted in our patriarchal society and lies within the concept that women are the possession of men."

Truer words were never spoken. We think we own women. I recently found myself filling out a loan application and when I listed my assets, I wrote "car, house, wife."  And just last night at the super market, a woman was cluttering up an aisle blocking my way, so I said to her boyfriend, "sir, would you please move your property out of my way?" 

And that thinking, of course, can only lead to one thing: rape. 

Let's be honest, guys, we all think rape is OK. If I had a dime for every guy who offered to hold a woman while I raped her, I'd be a rich man.

I mean, what do women think we really talk about at urinals?  Our desire to rape women, of course.  Just last night, I went to the men's room at the restaurant where my property and I were dining, and I announced to my fellow urinal users, "Guys, I would really love to rape my waitress -- and I might just do it if I feel up to it. Can anyone hold her for me?"  Four guys raised their hands.

See, ladies, men just pretend to overreact at the slightest hint of rape by, you know, wanting to beat the crap out of any guy accused of rape, and, in some cases, acting on that impulse by hanging him, beating him to death with a baseball bat, shooting him through a peephole, thrashing him about the head until his brains are turned to mush and he has to relearn everything all over again.

All that's all just a facade because we really approve of rape.

The fact that men are far more likely to overreact to rape with anger than to approve of it is beside the point.

The fact that ours is far less a "rape culture" than it is a "burglary culture" or a "robbery culture" or a "murder culture" doesn't matter.

The fact that "rape culture" is akin to looking at reality through a funhouse mirror is not at all pertinent to the discussion.

The facts should never, ever, get in the way of a feminist narrative, even if that narrative is horseshit, now should they?